What I am really thinking… Lewy Body Disease

mom opens the door to gnomes

I know you are (each) looking at me as a blogger to say Pithy and interesting things, but let me tell you how I am really thinking tonight!  If this is offensive or strange to you, to hear real deep thoughts, you may skip this post.

I have been putting my mom’s illness in vague terms to save her reputation. The truth is, she has Lewy Bodies disease and there is little reputation, to save any more. The cat’s out of the bag…. doesn’t anyone feel sad or regretful ?

There’s more than ONE WAY to answer  any question. You are not stuck in thinking one way. My mom’s illness of senility means we come up with many  new ways to converse. Like we do miming and gestures, we think of things that make sense in her new mind, we find ways….

She is nearly 80, so can you all give her a break and stop thinking of her as the great one that founded the Childen’s Village, received a Smithsonian Reward from the President, and even founded a Nicaraguan Day Care Center? Can you understand she’s getting old,  AND JUST LOVE HER FOR WHO SHE IS? She is losing her mind TOO FAST.  It’s TRAGIC. The disease is very aggressive. She is very afraid, all the time… plus she had scabies last year ! She itched for a year, she was driven crazy by REAL BUGS biting her, harassing her, not letting her sleep!!  She nearly died…

The only thing I can do sometimes is to love her and say, I understand. I don’t judge and I’ll be with you when you fight your enemies. I don’t even have a cure. I just have me. As my little brother said “Mom wants to go to war tonight, so we’re going to war and I’ll be there…”

The daughter you love and recognize, the daughter that makes you feel loved, a child that makes you feel important and can check you out of the locked facility for nice dinners  …. that’s me and that’s what I can do …

Parroting and UNDERSTANDING PEOPLE validates THEM.   EVEN IF THEY’RE SENILE, and even when they’re irrational and make no sense, really, it shows you love them, to say you understand them!

I need my MOM. Putting  my deepest thoughts into the ear of a senile person (Mom now) liberates me to talk deeply.  I just need love and attention so I tell my mom my deepest thoughts sometimes, and even though she’s senile she “snaps to” and she understands and loves me and says intelligent things back when I open up to her! She says she wants to protect me, she even comes into her normal motherly self, when I talk to her about real things. She says she’s here to fight my battles with me. It’s so sweet of her…

If this helps even one person today, I have done my job.

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